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In the Christmas "Cutie" Department

There is a disclaimer from the Australian retail chain who makes the doll: it claims that this "cutie" item has nothing at all — whatsoever — to do with witchcraft.

  • J. Grant Swank, Jr.,
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How cute! A doll! Just what little Sally should have for Christmas this year. Right? Wrong.

But why not? It fits snugly into her little hand. It looks innocent enough, at first glance anyhow. An international firm puts it out; things from afar should be all the more enchanting, right? Not.

Oh, what's the fuss. 'Tis the season to be jolly. Enough Scrooge at Christmastide.

Sportsgirl fashion company creatively shipped her out of — where? — Australia, of course, and so the "cutsie" voodoo doll came to America. What a boon for little darlings dreaming of candy canes and mistletoe balls dangling from bedroom sills.

She's bright. She's green. She's featured in a Christmas catalogue, along with other surprises to tingle and tangle. Yet she's strung up some of the ablest parents and cultured grandmas. They're actually up in arms about this little voodoo doll.

Consternation set loose in schools and family table talks. So much so that the cutie voodoo dolls have been scrubbed from America's shelves — just in time to fool even Santa. No voodoo doll for his bag this yuletide. For sure.

Yet down-under manufacturers went to all that trouble — a cutie complete with 17 pins and instructions. Just poke that li'l green urchin in her eye and tell your enemy to go fly. O, what fun.

So Johnny looked cross-eyed at you, Sally, and then ran off with Sissy to the Christmas party? Well, take that tiny pin and stab it right into evil Johnny's heart. Step on his soul. Yank his innards right out of his chest. One jab in the doll's chest should do it.

Instructions suggest that Sally recite: "I don't ever want to see your face again." So there, you jerk.

"It's my party and I'll cry if I want to," Sally may bawl out to the night's dark powers as she slaps another pin into the doll's green face. With that, Sally crashes her enemy's party. Yipppee.

Oh, but there's more: one pin can spice up a foe's mouth with bad breath or even make a bothersome target disappear!

There is, of course, a disclaimer from the Australian retail chain: it claims that this "cutie" item has nothing at all — whatsoever — to do with witchcraft.

Right! If you believe that, you are probably dumb enough to buy your child this despicable doll.

  • J. Grant Swank, Jr.
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